surprise..surprise

Yesterday i hv to spent all day editing a chapter for our local editorial...the editing was with an expert who is very well verse in English...she did teach me how to write a good write up...anyway when it was lunch time, i start making small talks with her..she just open up about her family background..a divorce woman with 3 children...all boys..her husband is leaving with one of her son...then i asked if his son is married, she automatic asked "why r u asking, r u interested in my boys n r u still single n want to know my boy?"...that was a shocked to me...why, does she said that? Does my face looks so desperate? I was just asking with no intention of knowing her boys, it is just a friendly questions...i was nearly chocking when she said that...anyway she tell me that 2 of her boys are married the 3rd child is still single age 36, maybe because of low self esteem (i hv been told that he is short n dark while his brother were fair and tall) or maybe because heart broken causing his not umarried yet...anyway when she said do i want to know his son and...it was like a second wave shock to me...why? why? Help me..i just being polite...

Too hard for me

Today i feel so stress...not because of work more to personal life...
I had a short break down...i can' t believe the things that hv been told about my brother by his teacher...it really break my hearts..how can he do that to his family...we trusted him and this is how he give bck to us....really disappointed..can believe him any more...no more special treatment for him...i going to take all his privilege...starting today

make thing simple

Why oh why? Things have to be so complicated...can't they make everything simple and easy...the thing is so simple but why people want to make it so damn hard...lets start with my side work (that have not been profitable) the 'K', this one particular people have make a simple job very complicated, the reason why this person make things complicated is because she/he does not want to learn..they also don't want to asked people that are knowledgeable in this area..why so hard to ask? People will gladly share with you their knowledge....'this is my thought of yesterday' BUT TODAY....people don't like to share...why i said this is because i hv been in the shoes of the another people who gladly want to learn but being rejected or coldly ignore because they are to busy...what is this about? do gaining a knowledge require time when people not busy only or it can happen every time....

One more thing that i don't like being chase of work...i know my job please don't go bothering me every time i see you...anyway the thing you asked me to do is not my core task...i need time as it require my creativity side...come on...i want to produce something that hv quality not just a simple thing that people won't value or just ignore it...i want something that will give big impact...if you keep bothering me i will do the job like 'melepaskan batuk di tangga'...or worst come to worst i will quite...anyway, i don't like doing that particular task...
I need break....i really need break...from this hectic task...i hv considering finding a new job which will make we more satisfied....that give me freedom to think n i don't have to bother of other people feelings....help...help...help
(All above this is a post for 2 weeks ago)

Today i feel so tired, angry n disappointed...why people don't like to admit that they are wrong...early in the morning my brother just make me so angry, this is because his daily allowance is missing...i will not be very angry if he admit he took it, his denial make me so disappointed at him...today i feel so tired, i cant watch a 15 years old boy...who is so lazy, very pampered, not real interest in education, like to play all day long, n mostly lied to me several times without feeling wrong..i so tired, my soul n body can't take it...the pressure...

pessimist, hypocrite, domineering

Things that happen in this couple of days has cause me to feel really tired, stress, lack of sleep, feeling down and least motivate...5 days of training along with handling so much work as programme manager has really cause me to blown out...task are not given equally, communication break down as well as working with people that are pessimist, hypocrite,and domineering has make my work live miserable....even my period cycle has change...i can't believe that this miserable thing has effect so much to my body and mind..

Today the 3  word  that i have just underline really need an explanation because then  you will understand how miserable it is my work live...

PESSIMIST: A tendency to stress the negative or unfavourable view
HYPOCRITE: A person who pretend to be what he/she is not
DOMINEERING: Acting with or showing arrogance or tyranny

These a the type of people i am working with now...what a headache..how should i overcome these kind of people in office...

This particular boss has cause a small thing to become so big an issues..getting angry and scolding her people in front outsiders...come on...think about our feeling, don't you know that we have feeling...we are not small children that need to be scolded..just advise us if we did a mistake...then after all that...you think with a macroon you give out can amend all your mistake..to me, i woun't take a bite at those macroon...you can not buy my forgiveness with that small things...your every word that came out from that mouth of yours have been hurtful to be heard by anyone...

Then, this one senior of mine..why so pessimist, can't you be more positive...as a senior you need to do more than just what you have been given...be more active. You can't sit and wait...move it..do more...don't take everything so negative...listen to other people needs...most of all, do your part take charge...you need to be a leader...

Things that have been happening lately has really cause me to start searching for a new job...where should i start??

too senior

What is her problem? just a couple minute before this person asked me to amend the write up if i want too...ok...i will do it, then when i give my idea and feedback...no need to change, this is already ok..with a loud voice and emphasis...WTH!!! sorry for my rude word but i just need to express out loud than keep it in my heart, when i already said ok and accept it and willing to let go the issues, you keep on with your stubborn to know my feedback...u should know when someone doesn't want to proceed with the issues, he or she will try to avoid by doing or talking to someone else..which for your info, i have clearly state that we continue this tomorrow and start talking to someone else, and i have been also being polite saying that someone is waiting for you and should not make that person waiting for so long, which is true, someone is truly waiting for you..

anyway one more issue is, what is the problem for taking along that thing to an official event...that thing is not yours anyway...it is a thing borrow to you, so that you can do your work effectively..just because u don't feel to carry anything with you...why are we there at that place? Are we there for leisure? Come on give me a break...even though you are a senior, that does not mean you can avoid not doing your part of the workload...now i know, why you are so hard to get that promotion...you don't even feel of taking the first step volunteer your self...

Another senior, just break my little heart when she told me that she is going some place else on our event...come on, how can you leave me doing all the things..she is the one that should be our PM...i need u here big senior...i really like her as my senior so don't take me wrong when i complaining about her....she has been really helpful since i enter the new department...and teach me a lot...but i think she is starting to letting go so many things for me to handle...senior please know that the others at office will not listen to me because my designation is equally like them...anyway you know that i don't really get well with some of them because i think they see me as a treat...

Then, there is one more issues of delegating the workload...i have been the PM for one  of the event, can't the boss assign that particular task to someone else...i hate  it when some one can have the leisure of opening file and do the small task while other have to work their butt just to ensure the event when smooth...i'm sure for not doing this task my boss will see me as incompetent...so let it be...i don't feel of taking care  of her opinion on me any more....she has been letting go of her supervision and guiding to me, which what i need most of the time...i hate it when i came to see her to discuss my work, she just said lets discuss it later and never came back to me...

So it is true about an article i read about the reason why people change job is because of their supervisor or boss, not so much of the pay or salary...i have been thinking so many time of changing work and finding new job..but there are so many factors i need to consider...my big bro just change to a new job easily...while my young brother just quite his job without any hesitation...why can't i be like them...it is really not fair...

not in yet

Salary not in yet...my money is depleting...need the salary to start paying for all my debt and other bills...usually the salary went in on time but not today...heard that there were problems with transaction...hope it will recover soon...

I have been stuck at training for about 3 days already...and 3 more days to go :(

With lots of work need to be done...an event is coming, a data collection need to be done, a calculation of P need to prepare, a survey to be distribute and a big project need to be completed within 8 months ...this project is so big i'm wondering when will i get a rest...oh no, i forget there is agm coming which i need to prepare FS :-[

I am also angry with my self, because i hv been eating n causing my weight to be increase...how can i reduce my weight like this...

arrangement

Today is the last day before, the get away to M...as the program manager need to make sure every things went smooth..hope nothing is missing out and the journey went well..the 2 experts are here already..they will start teaching us their method...need to learn carefully and with full dedication..

Today, alhamdullilah...i get free meals for lunch and in the afternoon my younger brother bought us pizza..the money he get from being a 'lab rat' at this uni hospital...they are doing a study in determine the effects of this medicine to young boys...i have been told they took nearly 6 small tube of blood for this reseach..and other test.

Tomorrow will be a long day, need to drive about 2 hours getting there...will slept early... before that will asked my brother to drive me to the some place first...